Behind A Broken Poet

"Dear God, its me again. God, I know I've kinda been forgetting about you lately, and I'm sorry. I love you, I love you more than anyone else in my life, and yet I keep catching myself treating you like an old forgotten friend. I really don't want it to be this way, Father, please forgive me and set my heart on fire for you again. Let me pour out my heart in praise and make my lifestyle an example of Your holiness. I love you Jesus, Amen."
I can't remember how many times I have prayed these words. I am not perfect, I mess up constantly and sometimes it feels so hopeless to even think I could call myself a child of God. He is everything perfect, holy, kind and above all He is forgiving. Just to take a step back and look at the situation... Jesus Christ DIED for me. Without hesitation He gave up all that He had, so that I could be free of this everlasting sickness of sin. The everyday falls that I am making were nailed into His hands as He was slowly dying. Satan must have laughed at that moment, the Lamb is slain and he was victorious, God had turned his face from Jesus and Satan was now tormenting this "King" with lies and the agony of humiliation. I bet Satan was telling Jesus how hopeless an effort it was, children would be born thousands of years later and still carry the mark of sin, Satan would still tempt them and they would still fall. Jesus' heart was broken, as He hung from His thrown of a simple tree, nailed and bleeding. And I was the cause.
This was not the end of the story, not by far, the Son of God rose from the dead and in doing so conquered my sin and the penalty of eternal death that I was supposed to pay. He paid for my salvation.
How could I repay Him for something like that? I am a broken child, I was the reason for His pain, but I betray Him so many times. In that moment of pain He took on all the things I have and will do wrong again and He sent them to their grave, forgiven and set aside. I am free because of that choice. Words do not express the love He has shown to me, but I want to try... I want my life to reflect HIM, not the "normal" teenager, not a "popular" kid, I want my voice to echo His unfailing love and faithfulness to my generation.
Broken Poet
I'd stand in the rain a million years older
I'd die for Your cause, give everything
I would suffer for You, to my death I would
You sweep me off my feet with Your song of grace
This is the end of my poetry
This is where You take over this broken song
Here is where I once was, and You now stand
The old man has passed from my story
It is over, now begins eternity
The cold winds blow, still I'll stand strong
So solid on the outside, stern glance
Inside I am a guilty child clutching to Your soul
Drying tears from my enemies lies
This is the end of my poetry
This is where You take over this broken song
Here is where I once was, and You now stand
The old man has passed from my story
It is over, now begins eternity
You reached out when I was dying,
There on my knees as I was suffocating
What would have been my last breath
In Your embrace I have found life
This is the end of my poetry
This is where You take over this broken song
Here is where I once was, and You now stand
The old man has passed from my story
It is over, now begins eternity
I lost my life and gained eternity
I lost my pride and gained hope
I gave it up and you gave me Yourself
I died for you this night.